Do you always have to be right?

          Are you willing to jeopardize a friendship just to prove you are right? Arguably there are times when it is okay to be right, such as stopping someone from putting diesel in a car that takes gasoline or correcting a phone number.

          What about something simple? One of my best friends’ wife was adamant about the sex of Lassie, the TV dog icon from the 50’s. I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that my friend was wrong, but what would be the sense in proving I was right?

          It would make her angry (and her pride would be damaged) and because she was so sure that she was right, it would damage our friendship and harm the relationship I have with her husband. In essence showing her how wrong she was would have been fruitless.

          What harm, then, was there in not arguing about who was right and who was wrong about something so simplistic? None! Pick you battles! Does it matter so much to always being right? And there are times when being right, with the wrong attitude, is wrong. No one likes to hear “I told you so!”

          Sometimes people say the wrong word and an argument ensues because neither party wants to back down. A young man was talking with his father-in-law and said the word “pica” instead of “elite” for the print size on a typewriter.

          The older man became insistent about the word swap but the more he argued his point, the more stubborn the young man became. The younger man was wrong because he said the wrong word and the father-in-law was wrong because of his attitude – even though he was absolutely correct. It became heated and both individuals walked away angry with each other.

          Did it really mean that much? Would it change someone’s life? Was the universe in jeopardy of collapsing because of the difference between pica and elite? Do people always have to be that exact?

With the advent of the digital watch many young people have not learned to approximate time. Instead of saying “It’s quarter to three” they will say, “It’s two forty-seven”. Invariably someone else will say, “I’ve got two forty-eight, your watch must be slow.”

          Granted, if an appointment was at exactly two forty-five, it would be okay to know the exact time, but if a person only wants to know the approximate time, it is also perfectly okay to say, ‘ten till” or “twenty after”.

          So then, it’s okay not to always be right – you might save a treasured relationship.

Why do I tell stories?

          Have you ever given someone advice or told them a personal story that you hoped would help them? Many times in the counseling field they suggest that you don’t use personal stories with clients so they won’t use them as leverage. While that is practical and understandable, I often use my own stories because I may have walked where that person walked or I have felt what they have felt.

          I always enjoyed sharing my life stories with the young people I supervised in juvenile corrections. I would usually preface it with the statement, “Let me tell you a story . . .” Their eyes would roll and some would groan (mostly for show for the other members in the group – can’t show any weakness you know), but then they would all lean in to hear the story.

          I am a good story teller and most of my stories had a point – a life lesson if you’ll pardon the pun. It is a way of communicating and remarkably many of my young friends remembered the stories!

          How do I know? I have been out of youth corrections for over 10 years but I still meet some of my former charges in stores and gas stations. Many times they are anxious to show me their family, new car, or brag about the job they have. They are truly glad to see me and to let me know they are doing all right.

Then they will say something like, “remember that time . . .?” or “I remember a story you told and it helped me.”

          I know that there are some who didn’t listen to the lesson that I and others invested into them because I see them frequently in police blotters in the paper or their mug shot on the news. That could be depressing except for a lesson I learned very early on working in the prison – don’t count your losses because they will overwhelm you! Count the wins, the successes.

          So when one of my young people comes up and shakes my hand or hugs me I know that some little portion of what I told them stuck! I had input into a young life and hopefully a life lesson will be borrowed by them to pass down to their family.

And when they start to call me “Mr. Smith” out of resApect, I tell them, “You can call me ‘Mario’.” You should see the look of pride come in their eyes!

So remember, whether it is with your own children, or people you work with, you can input your own life lessons into them. Who knows what the return will be?